Meg's Musings

Wonderful Weekend or Accepting The Need For Change

What a wonderful weekend. I needed these days. Sometimes I worry that I’m spending my life too freely—packing time with activity (some of it worthwhile, some of it necessary, some of it just spent), but not with things that enrich.

I like activity. In college a friend remarked I like to keep busy. But it’s not that I like to keep busy, I like to suck the marrow out of the bones of every day—drink in those soft hours of morning, think about world events, laugh at human folly, do something to enrich the lives around me, read the good book and let it improve my soul, create something, whether it be art, food, a room or a set, revel in those golden hours of the afternoon, settle myself in softly to an evening with one I love or many.

But the signs are there. It’s almost here. I’m burning out. This feels like that last sprint of a race—those moments when it would be so much easier to just stop than keep on. I forget things. Which day is Emily’s birthday? Where was I going to go before I buy paint? What day is LOST on? I’m usually tired. When I pray, it’s hard to focus.

This weekend offered a reprieve. I’ve gone to bed at nine. I’ve woken up without an alarm (with an embarrassing number of hours in between). I actually folded ALL my laundry. I opted out of major Thanksgivings and had a plate of Boston Market with Kate while letting the dogs run free. I napped whenever I felt like it. I went welding. I spent serious time in the Word. I raked leaves on a beautiful fall day. I bought the book 101 Career Alternatives for Teachers. (I missed David profusely) I put up a Christmas tree and decorated it. Amy and Greg took me out for Korean. I finally got over to finish the mug I started at Jenny’s bachelorette party. I thought about what I might buy people for Christmas. I researched what it would cost to meet my family in CA over Christmas (Tom will be home from Germany briefly!).

It’s been good.

I need to make changes. I know this. I’m tired of being tired and stressed and always working two days ahead of the day that I’m living. I don't want to be the whiney Meg. Like my weight, it's had to come to the right moment for me to realize how good I feel when there's less in my life. But it’s scary. Some of those changes will come naturally. Some will be a hard push. And all will require more thought, planning and energy than I feel like I have. I like change. Why is all this so daunting?

posted by Me @ 22:19