Thursday, March 23, 2006

Tiredness and Tics

So here's my question: Is letting yourself get overly exhausted a sin?

I hear a lot from preachermen (or persons) about sloth and using time well, but Noel's sermon on things we do too much of and things we do too little of has got me thinking. I think there is a lack of preaching on this exhaustion issue (or it has all fallen on deaf ears and I am only now at a place where I can hear), and part of the lack of preaching on overcommitment leading to exhaustion may be because the ministry commits this grieveous error all too often. Martha-ness is rampant. Now I think I've thought this through before, but still take it casually as an accepted part of modern American life & culture. There's always something more to do.

But this is what gets me: When I am too tired, I eat crap, don't formally excercise, take longer getting kids stuff back to them, watch my weight vacilate (usually up ten or down ten, depending on where I am in the stress cycle. Lately it's been dropping again, but not in a good way and that also concerns me), I have less time for friends or building into people, just do the minimum on house and yard work...etc.

There's been a part of me that has grieved QL, but there's also a big part that is so happy not to be thinking about it. I actually feel closer to God now that I'm not having to pencil him in just to get time. He's not really someone that should need penciling in. He's much more a highlighter type--over the pencils and ink and all that in between. Is God more pleased when I do less?

Here's another thing. I'm doing a long distance relationship and I think that's a God thing. I can't feel guilty for not seeing him during the week. I don't need to be concerend when I'm covered in paint and smell like organic glues that I need to be somewhere for a dinner date in half an hour. I'm managing my time better to allow for weekends away and making sure my work is done before the phone rates go down at nine. This is good. I like changing patterns.

So that's me. I'm going home to make an actual dinner. And grade only two dozen papers tonight. Then I will stop and be. Be what? Not sure. Just be.

This may be stretching.

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